I read a chapter of Proverbs everyday – in correlation to the day of the month. Why? Because, according to the Bible, they provide wisdom. The benefits of which include: long life, peace, good rest, understanding, guidance, righteousness, etc. All of these I desire. I am also told, fools despise wisdom, and I don’t want to be a fool.

I have been struck by the verses in Proverbs which resonate with me as a wife. From the day my husband and I made our wedding vows, I pledged to love and honor him as his wife. I had every intention of keeping my vow, but I did not grasp the commitment I was making. In thirty-one years of marriage, I have often failed at loving and honoring my husband.

This is why I cringe when I read,

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. … (Proverbs 31:10-13 ESV)

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. (Proverbs 12:4 ESV)

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. (Proverbs 21:9 ESV)

A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike; (Proverbs 27:15 ESV).

The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down. (Proverbs 14:1 ESV)

I have been defensive and quarrelsome. Rather than building up my home and family, I have with my own words, torn it down. So worried about being taken advantage of, or submitting my will (frowned upon by our current society), I’ve stood my ground, challenged decisions, and undermined authority in my home. Oh Lord have mercy. What an example I’ve given my children on how not to behave in marriage.

Reading my confession here, you may rise up and defend me (and yourself perhaps) saying, “What about your husband, he made vows too. I bet he’s not perfect.”

But I am not talking about my husband. When I made my promise thirty-one years ago, I made it trusting God to help me to keep it. Every time I broke my promise, my behavior communicated my lack of faith. I took the driver’s seat and steered blindly out of control. And every time I did, rather than having the positive result I desired, it backfired against me and my marriage.

So, where is the hope? In Christ as always! There is mercy, there is forgiveness, there is grace! Amen. We can always choose a better way, a better response today. We can trust God and consider how to edify our husbands and build up our homes. We can overlook offenses, respond with gentle words, compassionately communicate our feelings.

Proverbs also reveals the benefits of such behavior –

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22 ESV)

House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. (Proverbs 19:14 ESV)

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. … (Proverbs 31:10-13 ESV)

Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” (Proverbs 31: 28-29 ESV)

I can attest the result of following God’s lead in marriage has the desired benefits, even when it seems counterproductive. Let’s be the wives we promised to be, the wives we are called to be.